The Process Moves Forward; Consent and Set Up Session

I now have an appoint for June 27 to get the radiation treatment program started. At 10am I see the doc for a detailed explanation of the treatment and any Q&A. Then I sign the consent form, which I call the "death warrant." Pretty much every consent form ends with something like "up to and including death." It's good to read it because it may bring up a few more questions and the doc is right there to answer them. 

From there I head downstairs for the set up session, which includes a special type of CT scan designed to accurately locate the target. This will be the fourth time I've been through this and as I recall it's simple for me and non-invasive. Data gleaned from the scan is compatible with the planning software used by the doc, the physicists, and others. It's one big integrated system. I'm pretty sure the admin who handles scheduling is already working on treatment dates. I told her I wanted to start ASAP and prefer mid-morning. The actual treatment is five sessions with a day between sessions and the weekend off, so the whole thing is complete in less than two weeks. 

That's the nitty gritty, but underlying this is the fuzzy fear and anxiety about the whole damn thing. It's a lot of "what if?" questions. What if the cancer has already spread to other locations? Am I doomed? Can they be treated? What if my PSA continues to rise but the cancer can't be found? Will this treatment last, or will I be in trouble again by Thanksgiving? Does PC prove to be the assassin, emerging from the shady gang of other cancers? Is this going to fucking kill me? I could go on and on. I personally like to break it all down logically. I can do it my head, but making notes or writing about it can solidify things and help prevent backsliding to the fuzzy world. When I'm satisfied I compartmentalize it and just put it in a box. Fear and anxiety dissipate. I can re-visit the box whenever I need to, but it always goes back in the box. And no, I'm not talking about a literal paper box. This is a psychological technique.

Compartmentalization is a good way to maintain your physical and emotional health (which are completely intertwined) and to stay focused on the outcome that you want. I wrote about it in my book. You should take a look at it because it applies to many challenges you face in life.